I have been feeling so anxious lately and it is affecting everything that I do (or cannot do). I feel as though I am living in a world of unknowns and I think that is what is causing the anxious feelings that are stressing me out.
Questions like....
When is Ms. A going to go into labor?
What is going to happen at the hospital?
How long will we have to wait until we can bring her home?
What will all the emotions be like? Can I handle them?
Will she change her mind?
If she does place what will our lives be like?
What will our marriage look like?
What if I don't bond with her?
What if we aren't ready to be parents?
What if I can't handle being a mother, young women's president, and have a work from home career?
What if I can't make enough money to fill the gap that my job does now?
What if we go to the family reunion in July with this new baby and all of my inexperience shows for all of Brandon's family to see?
What if Brandon doesn't think I am a good mother?
What if my maternal instincts don't come like everyone has promised they will?
What if......(fill in the blank)
As I was thinking of all of these "what ifs" this morning I realized that the big question, the all consuming question is.....What if I FAIL? What if Heavenly Father gives us all of these blessings, i.e. having both parents of our baby girl being willing to sign the paperwork, giving us the greatest gift that anyone ever could and topping that off with the opportunity for me to open my own consulting company to cover any extra expenses that arise.....and we fail miserably and waste all of those blessings.
I have to say that my greatest fear is failure. Falling flat on my face while everyone around me watches with disappointment. Are these normal feelings? Did anyone else feel this way when they were preparing for their children? ....maybe this is just one more sign that I am crazy.....
The worst part about it is that when I am feeling anxious I freeze up. I feel like I can't go forward and accomplish anything. I am consumed with my thoughts and can't get the motivation to do anything. I will play scrabble all day on my i-pad, look at blogs, and pinterest just to keep my mind from having to think about all my worries, yet I am not really doing anything productive. Work is harder than ever, not because I am tasked with too many things to do, but I feel like "how can I run a program, when I have all of these other things I have to stress about." I freeze up.
What do you do to get rid of your anxieties? How do you relieve stress?
These worries just go to say that you are in the last month before you bring the baby home of the hospital. These are all normal feelings and to be honest I am not sure if they ever go away. I still feel some of these anxieties. It does become more clear in those moments when you care for the baby and just feel their sweet spirit. You WILL NOT fail unless you give up trying! And to address the question about bonding, if you don't bond right away or even in the first few MONTHS, that is quite normal, (I would tell you don't worry it will come, but you will worry anyway!) the bond WILL come. Just keep your faith and prayers strong and it will be okay! LOVE YOU LOTS and we are keeping you in our prayer!
ReplyDeleteTOTALLY normal feelings. I had a very hard time bonding with my first and did not feel those 'maternal instincts' kick in at all, but eventually I came to love her (at about 8 months was when things got better) and now don't know what I'd do without her. Do you have a good baby carrier (wrap or ringsling are optimal for infants) yet? I think it can really help with bonding--when I carried my firstborn in a wrap was one of the few times I felt connected to her when she was an infant.
ReplyDeleteMegan you are seriously amazing and very capable of being an extraordinary mother. You won't fail! You will struggle, it isn't easy being a parent, but you won't fail! I have total and complete confidence in you and so does our Heavenly Father! I am excited to hear how everything goes for you in the coming weeks.
ReplyDeleteMegan I may not being going through the exact things that you are, but the feelings? You are describing me to a T! Anxiety and fear of failing that is all consuming. Case in point: I have a baby crawling up onto my lap right now, over and over, and I just keep picking him up and setting him back on the ground. The other one keeps trying to play with electrical sockets and Jade is the one keeping him out of it. And what am I doing? Looking at blogs. I'd say doing mindless, non-productive things is definitely our way of "drinking our problems away". So while I'm not condoning it, I'm saying that you are NOT alone. But from an outsiders point of view, I KNOW what you are capable of. You won't fail, I promise. You have all of the tools you need to succeed at being a mother, and most of all, you WANT to be one! You're amazing. Take a deep breath, say a little prayer, you won't always feel this way--at least that's what everyone keeps telling me :)
ReplyDeleteI second what Lois said. These are totally normal feelings, and they never really go away completely. I have moments of wondering what the heck I'm doing, worries of complete failure, and just being overwhelmed every so often still. Parenthood is sooooooo hard! When we had Malcom (and we were expecting a baby girl), I remember holding him in my arms and thinking, "Who ARE you?!" I had bonded with a completely different baby in my head, and I honestly had to go through a sort of mourning period before I could really bond with Malcom. Things got easier once he was out of the super-needy young baby stage, but it honestly took a while for me to really bond with him deeply. Sometimes it just takes time- that's completely normal. When I freeze in my tracks out of worry, I like to hit the pause button and have a real time out (like turn off the phone and computers, drive somewhere alone and quiet, and pray, pray, cry, pray). One of the greatest things I learned about motherhood is that you are never alone. Any moment I have fallen short, Heavenly Father has ALWAYS been there to help. I do all I can, and then I just have to rely on him for the rest. He will help you too! I know it! We keep you guys in our prayers. Best of luck!
ReplyDeleteawwww Meg, just remember that if Heavenly Father is giving you all these blessings it is because he knows you can do it. You will both be great parents, I have no doubt about it.
ReplyDeleteHope you don't mind me commenting again... I am working on my talk for mother's day and came across this quote by Elder Holland (http://www.lds.org/general-conference/1997/04/because-she-is-a-mother?lang=eng) that I thought might encourage you:
ReplyDelete“If you and your husband will strive to love God and live the gospel yourselves; if you will plead for that guidance and comfort of the Holy Spirit promised to the faithful; if you will go to the temple to both make and claim the promises of the most sacred covenants a woman or man can make in this world; if you will show others, including your children, the same caring, compassionate, forgiving heart you want heaven to show you; if you try your best to be the best parent you can be, you will have done all that a human being can do and all that God expects you to do… no [parent] has failed who keeps trying and keeps praying. You have every right to receive encouragement and to know in the end your children will call your name blessed, just like those generations of foremothers before you who hoped your same hopes and felt your same fears.”
Grace told me your amazingly great news!!! Congrats you guys!!! I cannot even imagine the prayers leading up to the great blessing. YOU WILL BE WONDERFUL!! No parent is perfect...thank goodness for the atonement...keep being the great people you are and you will be the type of parent your daughter needs.
ReplyDeleteRemember, Satan wants us to fear. Fear only brings us down and halts our progression, so just replace that with HOPE and FAITH and you'll be just fine:) I'm so excited for you two!
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