Faith & Infertility

So this is all still so new to us. This whole idea of truly KNOWING that we can't conceive on our own. Brandon is taking it so well. Like I said, he is a rock and has the most faith of anyone that I know. I on the other hand have kind of felt like a basket-case. I have moments of grief, anger, and then excitement and joy about what is to come and the back to grief and anger. I just want chocolate peace.

 I went to a Relief Society dinner last night and it truly did bring Relief. It lifted my spirits and confirmed to me that people are placed into our lives to help strengthen and support us when we feel like we can't do it on our own. Because we can't. We need others. We need others to lift us up and remind us of the truths that we know in our own hearts.  When I came home I was smiling and then Brandon was smiling when he saw that I brought him an enormous piece of the best white cake with strawberry filling that I have ever tasted in my entire life. Brandon has come to expect food when I come home from activities....he usually greets me with, "hey, how was the activity? What did you bring me?" I love it. It's endearing. Just another reason he is the greatest. 

That brings me to this morning. I woke up and started to clean then realized that I should watch a movie...that always helps. I watched Eat, Pray, Love which although got horrible reviews, I love. It just shows that everyone is searching for peace and that ultimately we have to find God and find that peace by how we live our lives. ANYWAY...I decided to start cleaning my house and as I was going through all the papers I found the Ensign that had been delivered but was still in it's nice plastic sleeve. So I did what most women do when they are cleaning their house, I set it aside and kept cleaning. About 5 minutes later I felt prompted that if I want peace I have to go after it. I have to seek it out. So I picked up the Ensign and started flipping through. I just wanted to feel like Heavenly Father was aware of me. That he knew that I was hurting. The he would send comfort. 

HE DID! I flipped through and read about the Atonement which helped and then the most amazing thing happened, there is a complete article about Faith & Infertility. PEOPLE...seriously...there are no such things as coincidences. Heavenly Father KNOWS. He knows everything that we need and exactly when we need it. His hand is in our life. 

In the article this lady says that she thought that if she had enough faith she would be cured. I have had this same exact thought. Recently Elder Holland came and I stood in line to shake his hand because I just knew that I had the faith in him to heal me. That I could have one of those experiences like in the New Testament where people could just touch the Apostles and they would be healed. I knew that I had that faith. That he could heal me. Then when it didn't happen I found myself asking, "Where is MY miracle?"

As I continued to read on she recalls a certain Sunday where a member of her bishopric was teaching on faith and he said, "When someone has an ailment or an illness and they are healed as a result of a blessing, their faith is being strengthened. But for those who aren't healed but continue faithful, their faith is being perfected. The first is a faith-promoting experience,the second is faith perfecting." 

WOW! Heavenly Father's hand is in our lives. He loves us. 

I am going to continue sharing these experiences because I want to be able to look back and truly see everything that Heavenly Father has done for us while we are on this journey. Heavenly Father totally ROCKS!