Family Time

Brandon and I have been married for 5 years and we still don't have kids. When we first got married we tried and tried to get pregnant and we just couldn't. So around year 2 we decided to go to a doctor and put me on some meds, at the same time Brandon had to leave for the summer to go on an internship in Seattle so the timing was kind of off and we couldn't give it a real valiant effort. On top of that I was just so crushed every time my monthly cycle would start that I would be in tears and just so heart broken because "I knew this was the month that it would work."  After three months my doctor said we should give my body a break and to come back in 3 more months. My heart was absolutely broken and it was causing our family a lot of stress and heart ache. After the three month waiting period it was time for us to move to California. Before we left Idaho we went to the LDS Family Services and talked to them about possibly adopting but they told us that we should wait until we are in California and a little more settled. When we moved to California the ward we moved into had families that had adopted and when they told us their stories we were just so moved so we decided to start the process of adoption. To be 100% honest I still hadn't really come to the point and I think that I am still at the point where I want to do everything we can to have our own babies first...I'm just not at the point of giving up on that yet and I worry that I wouldn't be able to love an adopted child the same. Before I came to this realization we were filling out the adoption paperwork and were one week away from our first appointment where you pay your down payment and they get you into the adoption program. So we decided to go to the temple to pray and ease our worries. When we went we both got the feeling that it just wasn't the right time. On Sunday our wonderful bishop pulled us into his office and said that he felt prompted that he should not fill out his paperwork (he had to fill out a form saying we were a good family/candidate for adoption) and he explained that it wasn't because he thought we would not be amazing parents but because we had something else that we were supposed to be working on. He then gave me one of the sweetest blessings I have ever heard and even today it provides me much needed comfort. So in the blessing we were told that we would know when the time was right for us to start a family and that Heavenly Father would prompt us. Since then we have just been living life, enjoying our jobs and doing whatever we want to do (with in reason of course...there isn't much you can do when your poor!) We bought a beautiful home in a great area and we have a fabulous ward. All during this time we have had the opportunity to grow and learn and grow and learn! We never both felt prompted at the same time to start a family or that the timing was right until just a few weeks ago.

I had an amazing experience which at the time seemed so so strange. I was shopping in target on my day off and I was leaving the store when I just got this overwhelming feeling that I was missing someone. That I was supposed to have someone there with me and they weren't and I just felt awful about it. So I got back in the car and just sat there for a moment and the sweetest spirit came over me and confirmed to me that there are spirits in heaven just waiting to come down and join our family. I brought it up to Brandon but we both just let it kind of simmer for a week or so. During that next week it seemed to be all I could think of and it just became so clear that this is what we were to do. Brandon was riding home from work on the train and he sends me a message and he says, "are you pregnant yet?" and so we discussed that he too felt that now is the time for us to start the process of getting pregnant. We are both terrified because we don't know how it will all work, but we know that it will. Logically it doesn't make sense for us but the scripture that talks about how "our thoughts are not God's thoughts" keeps coming to mind. Our Bishop also gave us several scriptures to read that talk about having faith not fear. 

SO that leads us to this week. I went to the Dr. and I got on meds again. We decided that we are going to give it our best effort and when that doesn't work then we will start praying again about adoption. We know that this is what we are supposed to do with our lives. We know that raising a family is the single greatest blessing that Heavenly Father has given us, his sons and daughters, while on this earth. We know that families are ordained of God and that if we do all that we can, he will always make up for the rest. We ask that you keep us in your prayers as we start this journey because we know that it may be a long and hard road in front of us, but we will be better people and parents because of it.